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Journal Excerpt: The Fall of C.E.O. Women, The Start of brown girl surf  Amine Nader Photography December 18, 2011 I’m alive and I have all my limbs so I’m trying to put the closing into perspective. A lot has been done to dismantle the (C.E.O. Women) office. We’ve sold most of our assets last week and this week is the final push. The only thing is that we have no staff left – I’m the only one and so I have to manage all of the following:
I sent this list to my board chair and treasurer to let them know … But as it is, I’m left as the only one trying to manage the final three days of closing of the office. People expect way too much when you are a Founder. The good news is that I raised an extra $15,000 from foundations and donors and that the government approved our $20,000 reimbursement request so we will have enough for payroll, which will limit the board’s liability. They were going to float a loan for payroll as well which I was happy about but now they don’t need to. My friend and board member gave me a $1,750 (personal) loan to tide me over until we can collect on all the grants. … I have been actively trying to find a home for Grand Café in it all … because we owe the bank for our line of credit … It is a hard decision because that is nine years of work/research that went into building that asset (and $500,000) and I’m not sure what the bank will do with it at this point but I want it to land somewhere good, but I also want this to be done, so I’m torn … I have been surfing which I’m glad about but skipped my Friday session down in Santa Cruz as I normally do. I just felt like last week was intense and I couldn’t focus so much on my surfing, but I did get out on Friday and Saturday to Ocean Beach which I was really glad about. I also started to get a lot of momentum on brown girl surf … I am so proud of the (web) site and honestly it has been like therapy. After coming home dismantling an 12 year old non-profit I built on my back, I can work on creating something new which gives me a lot of energy. I’m excited that I am so excited about this … … If it weren’t for surfing and brown girl surf, I’d be in bad shape I think. But I feel calm and collected … but I just want this saga to be over with … I have such a wide range of emotions regarding the board that it’s hard to make sense of them. On the one hand, I have felt left in a lurch by them all year – only half of them fundraised and did what they could … On the other, they are my personal contacts and networks, and amazingly, not one member resigned since the crises … most of them have given or raised significant donations (totaling over $96,000) … So it’s not bad for a small board … I’m glad that brown girl surf will not have one going forward. I just want to be free from this all - free from the blame, free from the stress, free from this identity that I have held for what seems way too long. I am Farhana and I am the Founder of C.E.O. Women, but it is not my baby and I don’t feel that way about it … … It sucks being a Founder. Your DNA is imprinted into the organization and work until the day you leave/ relinquish it but I feel trapped and not in a position to relinquish at this point. I can’t wait until it’s all over. I can’t wait to run with brown girl surf and it’s exciting to see it come alive … Farhana Huq is an Executive & Leadership Coach, Surfer, Global Explorer and Founder of Surf Life Executive Coaching & Brown Girl Surf.
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Beyond Setbacks: Bringing a Decade-Old Idea Back to Life I founded and ran a non-profit organization for 12 years with an amazing mission – helping low-income immigrant and refugee women to become entrepreneurs and learn English. After 10 years of running it, I took a needed sabbatical to reflect and rejuvenate. An interim leader led the organization in my absence. When I returned a few months later, it was operating a $50,000 deficit, the first ever deficit in the history of the organization. As a Founder, this was devastating. It was like coming back at halftime to a 0-4 World Cup game and you’re on the losing team. To continue reading more about bringing an innovative idea back after a big setback, check out my full post on linkedin. Farhana Huq is an Executive & Leadership Coach, Surfer, Global Explorer and Founder of Surf Life Executive Coaching & Brown Girl Surf.
 Our personal journey through life defines our values. We know what we like. We know what hurts us. We know what we are afraid of. We know what gives us inspiration. This knowledge of self begins to shape our life purpose. Our deep connection to our values is the most powerful motivator there is to propel us forward to take our leaps. Trying to take a leap without clearly knowing what our values are is akin to searching for buried treasure without the treasure map; we meander aimlessly in circles wondering where it is we are going. Two of my values have always been freedom and independence. When I was a little girl, I’d never let my mom pick my clothes out for me. I insisted on making my own lunches and was doing my own laundry by the time I was in the 4th or 5th grade. I would ask my parents repeatedly if I could move into the shed in the back of our house so I could have my own home. It was as if I was born this way – always wanting to be free and independent. Weird, I know. These values drove me to devote my entire career to helping women take the leap to feel the freedom and independence of owning their own businesses. When I was starting the non-profit I ran for 11 years, never did it feel like it was work in the beginning. I always thought I was so lucky. It was only when the organization started to get bigger, and I faced increasingly frustrating growing pains and HR issues that I started to feel dissonance. I’d finish a week that had been filled with sometimes 20-30 meetings with volunteer groups, organizational teams, donors, funders, vendors, and then retreat up to West Marin in Northern California not wanting to speak to anyone for the whole weekend. I was exhausted. I missed the energy of early-stage projects that allowed me to work on many different things. I missed getting deep with the people I worked with, sharing that family-like camaraderie and building really solid one-on-one relationships with my colleagues. When I ran the non-profit (which helped immigrant and refugee women to start their own businesses), I once knew each client by her first name. Years later I just knew of maybe the star entrepreneur of the class. I realized I needed to take my own leap and found myself contemplating a new career. I eventually figured out a model for myself where I could still exercise the values of freedom and independence and be true to my entrepreneurial nature, but do so in a way that allowed me the valuable one-on-one time with people, and the ability to go deep. These values are what drove me to coaching. Since making the decision to work deeply with people, I’m back to feeling like my work isn’t work, but just a natural extension of what I love to do. I talk with social entrepreneurs, creative people, and people with real struggles trying to take their leap. I have the honor to help guide them to realize their values and craft a path for their life to align with those values. It makes me feel energized, purposeful and alive. This process and experience makes me realize just how important it is for you to know what you really value, else you may be taking a leap on a path that sounds good in theory, but that may compromise your values or make you feel dissonant or exhausted. Take a temperature reading of the dissonance in your life. Do you feel any – in your relationships, at work, with respect to your health? If so, I’d challenge you to make a list of your values – not material items, but attributes and ways of being in the world that are especially important to you. Then rate each one on a scale of 1 -10 and see how much you are honoring these values in your life. 10 means you fully honor it. 1 means you have some work to do. Where do you need to honor something more? Are you not honoring one particular value at all? What’s the one big thing you need to shift within YOU to change that? Values are our spiritual launch pad; they are our internal treasure map. When the dream we want to bring to life is in clear alignment with our values, something magical happens and the treasures of life begin to unfold. You begin to feel a natural energy and momentum which propels you toward your leap. The universe just works that way. It may be scary at first, but at some point you’ll eventually find yourself feeling like what you are doing is not work, but a natural extension of you choosing to live and exercise your values in the world. Let your quest begin! AuthorFarhana Huq is an Executive & Leadership Coach, Surfer, Global Explorer and Founder of Surf Life Executive Coaching & Brown Girl Surf.  Everybody has the tendency to sometimes complain about their circumstances or the people they are in relationship with. I once read somewhere that complaints are are just unspoken requests. But sometimes we cannot make the requests we want to make so find ourselves in the position of complaining. What we do have the power to shift is what is within us. Getting in touch with your ability to make these internal shifts will help the leaps you want to take in your wave of life to be all the more smoother. For example, there is an important relationship in my life but I had a hard time with the way that particular person has related to me in the past. This person from time to time would start to accuse me of things and then would start to criticize me. I would feel defensive and hurt. I realized that it was holding me back in a lot of ways and making me feel bad about myself, and even eroding my self-confidence. I decided the next time she started to criticize me, that I would not react, but I would try to understand her perspective and see if I could find some value in her words and just listen. Rather than let her words land on my heart center and feel defensive, as she spoke I imagined them landing on the ground in the space in front of me. I also told myself to not take it personally. I made the conscious decision about how I was going to react and to approach the conflict the way I would surf a wave – to just be curious, go with it and follow it. I listened and ask questions and tried to understand and clarify the source of what was making her criticize me. The process diffused the episode of this person and allowed me the space to speak my voice and share my perspective with them. In the end, I didn’t change her, but changed the WAY I chose to relate to her. It also became apparent that her episodes were more about HER feelings and the way she experienced the world vs. about me. I learned that when you’re trying to move forward and you feel something or someone is holding you back, it’s easier to shift something within you, rather than change someone or try to change your circumstances. You have far more control over changing YOU first . This has been a critical lesson for me in leaping into the unknowns of life, not knowing what you might face. Having the muscle to flow in and out of conflict and shift your RESPONSE to what is happening will make you all the more prepared to take your leap in life, whatever it may be. AuthorFarhana Huq is an Executive & Leadership Coach, Surfer, Global Explorer and Founder of Surf Life Executive Coaching & Brown Girl Surf. |
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